Trespassing in the lives of others: The uninvited interference
Human curiosity often leads us into the lives of others, crossing boundaries and delving into matters that are not our own
We have an insatiable appetite to interfere in the lives of others. The desire to take a bite of even the tiniest morsel from another’s life also makes us, trespass on conversations of strangers at best, more often gossip about others, and make inappropriate remarks at the worst. We were a batch of seven railway officials from across the globe on training in Japan in 1991. Our program was coordinated by a young Japanese lady, maybe a couple of years older than me.
A few weeks together had made the eight of us share an easy relationship – easy enough for me to ask the lady one day if she was married. She had been married for almost a decade. I was already the father of two little daughters; thus, my next query if she had any children was probably not entirely baseless. I should have stopped once she had replied in the negative. My thirst to trespass into the private life of another individual kicked in as I asked her the reason.
She was quiet for so long, a myriad of emotions flitting across her face, that I was afraid that this one time I had crossed the line. As I was about to apologise for my impertinence, she responded, “Thank you for an insightful query, which set me thinking. The reason is that both I and my husband are so busy in our daily lives, that we barely spend our waking hours together.
There is just no time for making a baby!” It was a lesson learnt about the price of progress on human relations in the more developed countries. We were yet to witness this back home, at least in smaller cities and towns. I also witness incidents in the lives of others in public places. I am certain even others may be looking at my daily life under the microscope. We don't need to be celebrities for our lives to be trespassed upon. This also sometimes leads to overhearing interesting snatches of conversations. Recently, waiting at the airport for my flight, I observed a father handing over cash to his young daughter to get tea for the family, even before she had had time to put down the bags.
The girl good-naturedly asked him to wait. I smiled and commented with an attempt at humour, “All fathers are like that.” The family was not amused. I was in a cabin in the COVID ward of a hospital. The cabin was shared by two more patients. One morning, I overheard the lady on the adjoining bed talking to her husband on the phone rather loudly, “I am much better. You must see the uncle on the next bed. He does not do any exercises, just lying there all the time.” The shoe pinched. I was not amused at this blatant trespassing in my life. I have observed that the supposedly well-meaning interference is more prominent during a visit to a convalescing acquaintance and dispensing advice from own morbid experiences.
We cannot forget one such well-meaning advice from a neighbour who did not hesitate to tell us that his father had passed away at my age due to a similar affliction that had kept me bedridden for a rather long time. He may have only been trying to caution us to be more careful. We love to dissect the lives of our friends, and even acquaintances, particularly when they are not around. We usually try to pass off the blatant gossip as honest criticism or well-meaning advice. If only we keep in mind what Wentworth Dillon said, “Words spoken can never be recalled. ”